A Drink is never Just a Drink with us
by LadyBarlow
Summary: Nick and Zoe story. Its based on the inevitable thats all i can say...
1. Chapter 1

**_Hi guys here is a new Nick and Zoe fic. it will be short but you enjoy, please review. It is a tad samie but it will be different i promise. Enjoy xxx_**

stood staring at the stone in front of her. It was cold, black marble but the inscribed words jutted out at her like she was wearing 3D Glasses. Right on cue the wind blew a piece of her bobbed black hair into her eyes, so she could no longer see the words that broke her heart. She left her hair there for a few minutes, glad that it blocked the sight in front of her. Eventually she got some strength and slowly moved the hair to reveal the stone was still before her. She bent forward, past the red roses she had just placed. There was a small piece of dirt covering part of the date. That date. The date that changed her life forever…..

It was like any other morning. The sun had risen and spewed through the cracks in the blind. The sun shone against her head as she slept soundly. A piece of hair fell into her eyes and the sun reflected off her black hair like light off a prism. He lay on his side next to her. His arm fell effortlessly over her naked stomach. He glanced at the clock, he knew it was time for her to get up, yet he didn't want her to go. They hadn't been back together long and today he didn't want to untwine himself from her. He loved how she would wrap her small legs in between his and the feel of her naked skin against his gave him such comfort. He was on day off but for some reason, it upset him to think of spending the day without her. He moved the piece of hair softly from her eyes to reveal her beautiful face. She stirred at his movement and turned slowly to face him.

"Morning beautiful" He said softly.

She smiled "errgghh is it that time already." She grumbled, her voice still stricken with sleep. He bent forward and kissed her. It started as a simple peck but then the kiss got longer and deeper. His hand moved up from her waist to her neck as he tickled her softly.

"mmm what was that for?" She said as a smile beamed across her face.

"Nothing, as your boss I have special privilege's" He added.

"Well Mr Jordan, as my boss, it is you that will be disciplining me when I'm late. AGAIN!" He laughed and gently stroked her cheek.

"Disciplining you ey? I love it when you talk dirty Zo." He pulled her on top of him and wrapped his arms around her tightly. She let out a playful scream as he did so. He looked into her eyes with all the love he had in his heart. She looked back at him and could see it laced with sadness. They could read each other perfectly from a look, they needed no words. She knew exactly what he was thinking and tried to speak. He put his finger too her lips and whispered "ssshhh" before softly replacing his finger with his lips. He kissed her and then slid from underneath her out of bed. She watched him as he stood up wearing just his boxers. She smiled as lots of dirty thoughts ran through her mind. Then she noticed him wobble. He attempted to take a few steps further forward and stumbled to the side holding onto the wall.

"Nick, are you OK?" She asked concerned.

"Yes I'm fine." He mumbled as he rubbed his forehead with his index finger and thumb. Zoe wasn't convinced and walked over to him, the cold of the wooden floor startling her as she moved.

"Are you sure? Let me have a look." She went to put her hand on his head and he yanked it away.

"I said IM FINE" He repeated this time raising his tone in frustration. She held her arms up in the air in defence and walked away.

"Fine, whatever. I'm going in the shower." She said coldly as she headed for the bathroom. It was always best to leave him when he was being moody, one thing she had come to learn with their on again off again relationship. He felt guilty for snapping at her and sat back down on the bed. His head was thumping so he decided to get up and get a drink.

He moved into the kitchen cautiously in case another dizzy spell fell upon him. Luckily, it didn't, so he made a coffee and a bagel for Zoe as an apology. He sat at the breakfast bar and sipped his coffee after he had knocked back his meds. This morning, he had taken some extra strong painkillers in addition to the usual stuff he had to take. He sighed as Zoe appeared in the door way.

"Is it safe to come in yet?" She asked.

"Depends if you want your coffee and breakfast." He replied dryly without looking at her. She didn't know if he was angry or not so was hesitant to move towards him. He sensed her caution and turned to face her.

"Tut come here" He said softly and beckoned her over to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and sat on his knee as his hand went around her and rested on her bum.

"You know I don't like fuss." He said softly. In Nick Jordan fashion, this meant I'm sorry. He never apologised for anything, and he wasn't about to start now.

"Well unlike you, I have a heart now pass me my bagel Jordan" she uttered. He picked up the bagel and scraped a small piece of jam from the surface without her noticing. He passed her the bagel and then wiped his finger across her nose, leaving traces of red jam on her face.

"NICK!" She said as she jumped up. She was half annoyed as she had just applied her makeup, yet she was trying not to laugh. She picked up a flannel and gently wiped it off her face. She grabbed her blusher out of her make up bag. "you are so irritating did anyone ever tell you that."

"Several times Dr Hanna I think the words dough faced fascist were another favourite of yours"

"Ha! Ha!" she said as she rolled her eyes at him. She walked over to the breakfast bar, gently tapped his shoulder and downed her coffee.

"Right I better get moving or I will be late." He pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her again. He reached up to meet her lips and kissed her tenderly.

"I love you" She said as she broke away from the kiss.

"Mmm you too." He replied and took another sip of his coffee. Another irritating habit he had was the inability to say "I love you". It was always "you too" but for Zoe that was enough. She didn't need him to say the words, she knew how he felt. She picked up her bagel and had one last bite. Shaking her head she stuffed the remainder into his mouth and then kissed his cheek.

"Tut see you later" She said as she grabbed her keys and happily strolled out of the apartment…

**_There you go. Hope you like it please review xx_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Thanks for the reviews guys and the lovely message I received. Its difficult to write when not much is happening with our favourite couple but I like to blast one out every now and again. Enjoy chapter 2 and please do review._**

Zoe stood outside in her usual spot for her morning break. She pulled back a drag on her cigarette as she stood by the 'no smoking' sign. She was such a rebel, or was it that she just didn't care. She had cut down on her smoking since she had been back with Nick, but she would always sneak a crafty one in when he wasnt around. She took another drag from her cigarette, and swallowed hard. She had started to feel sick, which was unlike her. She lent back against the wall to steady herself as the cigarette burnt down. After about 5 minutes, she began to feel better. She stubbed the remaining part of her cigarette out and said "head rush" out loud to herself.

"Talking to yourself, first sign of madness Dr Hanna" uttered Dylan as he wandered by.

"Are you surprised working in this place" She replied and followed him inside. She went into the staffroom and put her bag into her locker. She tucked a strand of her black hair behind her ears and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked pale. She went back to her bag and pulled out her blusher, to add some colour to her cheeks. She hated feeling crook. She placed her blusher carefully into her Radley handbag and pulled out her mobile. 'ONE NEW MESSAGE' the screen read. She looked puzzled and then clicked on the screen. 'NICK' it read and she smiled to herself. Those 4 letters made her tummy go fuzzy. Just 4 simple letters made her warm inside.

'OFF TO THE SUPERMARKET TO GRAB SOME STUFF FOR DINNER. HAVE A GOOD DAY AND LOOK AFTER MY ED FOR ME. NICK XXX' she smiled to herself at his words and typed out a reply.

'THE WALLS ARE HOLDING UP WITHOUT THE MIGHTY JORDAN. DINNER SOUNDS GOOD, AS LONG AS ITS NOT HOTDOGS. TAKE IT EASY, LOVE YOU XXX He actually meant the world to her. As much as she would pretend that she didn't care when they weren't together, not a minute went by without her thinking about him. In the past, whenever she needed a distraction from him, she would use 2 things, alcohol or sex. Or both. There was Sean that one time, and then Matt and of course there was clingy Chris and the string of one night stands she would use to forget about him. But whatever she did, however hard they pushed each other in the opposite direction, ultimately Nick and Zoe found each other again. It was meant to be and he was her soulmate. She smiled again, locked her things away and went back to reception to begin the second half of her shift.

She approached reception and slumped down on a stool infront of the computer screen. Adam came rushing over "Zo i need you to watch CDU, Lenny and Dylan are tied up in resus and cubicles and Tess is at a meeting and..."

"Sure no worries" Replied Zoe as she got to her feet.

"I was expecting more of a fight." he replied with a smile.

"You owe me one Dr Trueman" She said as she tapped his shoulder "In the shape of a large glass of red"

"later" he said as he pointed at her and backed away. Zoe slowly made her way into CDU. She was actually thankful that she was leading CDU this afternoon, she didnt feel herself and resus would have most probably sent her over the edge. She walked towards her first patient and was greeted by Jay.

"This is Melanie, she is 18 years old. She has been complaining of abdomen pain, has been vomitting and has a high temp of 38.5."

"Ok Melanie." Zoe began

"Its Mel" The girl interrupted, Zoe rolled her eyes at jay.

"Ok MEL, Im just going to press on your tummy and I need you to tell me when it hurts and if any areas hurt more than others" The girl nodded and Zoe began to press around her stomach. The girl winced a few times and then let out a huge cry.

"Right Jay, the abdominal wall is sensitive to touch and she is experiencing robound tenderness in her lower abdomen. These are all classic signs of acute appendicits. Mel is there any chance you could be pregnant?" zoe asked.

"NO!" She replied but Zoe noticed she looked sheepish.

"Listen Mel, Im your doctor, everything you tell me is confidential. If you are pregnant it could be ectopic, as the symptoms are very similar to appendicitis, and we need to rule this out immediately." Zoe said sternly but with caution.

"Ok, ok possibly. I havent missed a period or anything but Ive had unprotected sex." Melanie said frustrated.

"Right Jay, we need to run some bloods to rule out pregnancy and an ultrasound. If appendicitis is detected, she will need a laparoscopy so page surgery and then send her up. Anything you need let me know" With that Zoe pulled back the curtains and went to sit down at the desk. She had suddenly become warm and lightheaded, so she grabbed her bottle of water and had a drink, it was not like her to be unwell. She suffered from the odd cold but that was all. She decided she needed some fresh air, so exited CDU and made her way to the ED exit.

"Hey Zo, you ok?" Called Noel, she moved over to him.

"Yeah I just need some air, feel a bit sick , but cheers." She replied.

"We thought you must be sick going into CDU without kicking off." He joked. Zoe ran around the otherside of the reception desk trying to play fight with Noel, when resus doors crashed open and Dixie and Jeff entered. Zoe continued to playfight as Adam and Lenny ran straight towards the patient on the stretcher with a very concerned look on their face. Tess appeared next to Zoe, looking like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, her eyes glazed over. Then came Dixies voice:

"This is Nick Jordan..." the rest of the words disapeared and all zoe heard were those words echoing through her ears and then crashing into her brain like a symbol. It was like the vibrations then sent a tremer through her body and down to her heart, which then exploded into pieces. She turned around to face the others as Tess edged her way in towards Zoe, ready to pick up the pieces.

"Whhaatt diid sshhe say" Zoe just about managed to utter in a slurred fashion.

"Come on Zoe lets get you through to the staffroom." Tess placed her arm around Zoe but she was as rigid as a concrete tower, there was not one millimetre of movement.

"Did she just say?" It was like Zoe was playing it in slow motion, letting her brain slowly compute what her senses were telling her. All of a sudden, she went. Tess could physically see the recognition hit her and she was gone like a flash.

"NIIIICK!" she shouted through the ED and bolted after him. Tears began to stream down her face as she pushed her way past porters, trolleys and even patients. Nothing else mattered to her in that moment she just needed to get to Nick. The team pushed Nick quickly into resus and Adam stopped outside, ready to block Zoe. She came running towards him and didnt stop until she ran head first into Adam. He grabbed her and she tried to push past him.

"Adam, move out of my way please." She said, surprisingly calm. He shook his head and gripped her shoulders, "ADAM I SAID MOVE! NOW!" She screamed at the top of her lungs whilst struggling to get past.

"Zoe I need you to calm down. Nick needs you to calm down. You cant go in there like this." Adam said calmly to his friend.

"I need to be with him Adam, move now or so help me god I will..." She clenched her fist ready for a fight.

"Zo, you are no good to him like this and the longer Im here with you, the longer he remains untreated. Tess!" Adam called, as Zoe's grip on his scrubs loosened. Tess came over to try and comfort her and Zoe dropped back.

"If anything happens to him Adam." She said, with pure hatred in her eyes.

"Its ok, it wont, I promise. Besides, we had more time to prepare when we got the shout from Dixie." Zoe stopped and backed away from both her colleagues.

"You knew about this?" She asked with barely a whisper, "You knew he was coming and didnt tell me?" The rise in tone portrayed her sheer anger and disgust. Tears began to fall freely down her face once more and again she made a dash for Adam, this time trying to punch his chest irratically.

"How could you not tell me" She shouted repeatedly as she sobbed. Tess managed to pull her away as Adam entered resus to help Nick. Tess put her arm around Zoe once more to guide her. Zoe shrugged her off immediately and looked Tess directly in the eye.

"How could you?" She spat with sheer venim before running away through the ED, her life once more was broken.

_**There you go. Sorry its a bit lame and none descriptive, i lost my first draft which is very annoying. Please review and i will continue. **_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thanks for the reviews, as always im very grateful you take the time to read this. There's not many of us Nick and Zoe fans left out there, it seems we are overpopulated with Adam and Kirsty these days, so its great to get some appreciation. Hope you enjoy this chapter, its a toughie.**_

Zoe sat back in Nick's chair staring at the ceiling. She had been here before and she was not ready to face this again. She winced as a pain shot through her stomach, the pain of losing him, she told herself. She wouldn't lose him, he would be fine. He had another couple of years in him yet, this was just a glitch in her plans. She picked up his pen that was laying on his desk and began to subconciously tap it against the wood. The rhythmic sound sent her in a trance as she stared at the wall. She thought back to all the things that she loved about him. The smirk he used to give her when he was pleased with himself, the way he always called her Doctor Hanna when he flirted with her. Then there was the wink, that wink that had the ability to make her drop to her knees in an instant. The salty taste which appeared on her lips brought her back to reality and she realised she was crying again. This time softly, not irratic or hysterical, as each tear rolled slowly down the track of the previous one. She wiped away the tracks with the tips of her fingers and exhaled loudly, before saying "hes fine" out loud to herself.

Right on cue came Adam and Tess through the door. Zoe cleared her throat ready and had decided to play her usual tough, nothing can break me persona.

"There you are." Tess said concerned as she walked over to where Zoe was now standing. She supportively placed a hand on the small of Zoe's back.

"Im Fine!" Uttered Zoe sternly as she gestured with her hands. "So whats the damage?" She said calmly as if he was any other patient. Adam looked at Tess and Tess looked back with just as much concern.

"Look is one of you going to tell me whats going on here, or shall i just diagnose him myself?" She said as her Liverpool accent tripped over the words.

"ICH Zoe Intracerebral Hemorrhage" Adam just came out with it.

"And.." Zoe replied. Adam looked worried about Zoe's reaction, she didnt seem to be showing any emotion.

"possibility of haemoorhagic stroke but we need to run a CT to find the extent of it. He's currently on mannitol and is stable." Zoe pushed past them both and headed for the door. As she went past Adam he caught her arm and she turned to face him.

"He's pretty out of it Zo." She pulled away from him. She paused for a brief second before adding, "I need to check his level of medication." Before calmly walking out towards resus.

As she paced through the ED, her colleagues stopped to stare at her, but she was not fazed in the slightest. Tess and Adam followed closely behind, ready to support her in any way they could. She pushed open resus doors with a force and then stopped dead in her tracks as she saw him intubated, connected to the very machines she operated day in and day out. He looked so weak, so small. Her big stong man was laying there helpless. She let out a small whimper and Tess encroached forward, ready to support her.

"No" Zoe coughed and held out her arm. Tess stepped back to stand beside adam. It was so hard to watch her friend trying to be strong, when really she could see she was breaking inside. Charlie stepped away from Nick to allow Zoe room. She picked up his notes and began reading them silently as she shook her head. She placed them down and moved slowly to side of the bed. She moved to the sound of his heart monitor, not realising that she was doing so. She carefully took hold of his hand and moved her thumb over the soft skin of his fingers. Then she spoke softly.

"Nick, whats all this about? Its too soon for this." She cleared her throat and turned to see her collagues staring back at her, their hearts breaking with hers. For the first time today, she could see them as friends again and they smiled warmly at her, trying to ressure her. Zoe managed to visibly pull herself together as she turned back towards Nick. She smiled and said:

"You cant leave this place for one day can you Jordan? Either that or you are trying to get out of doing the sodding cooking." She said louder as she stepped towards his head. She stared down at him as she ran her fingers through his hair. She longed to see a reaction from him, a movement in his hands, a blink of an eye or a twitch of an eyebrow, but there was nothing he was still. She sighed out loud to herself and shook her head once more.

"Zoe, we need to take him now." Adam said softly. Zoe looked across at Adam and nodded her head in agreement. She then tenderly stroked Nick's cheek, and said quiter in his ear, "Come back to me Jordan do you hear me? I need you" Her voice cracked and a tear spilled down her cheek. She bent forward and kissed him softly on his forehead. "Im waiting" She said as her voice finally went, she fell back and turned to hug Tess. She broke from the embrace and followed Nick out of resus on the trolley. Tess placed a protective arm around her waist as they walked him to the lift. Big Mac, Charlie and Adam entered the lift with him and Zoe stared in a daze as the lift doors began to close. Adam suddenly moved forward and blocked the door with his arms.

"We'll bring him back to you" Adam called to her. She smiled and then gave a half hearted wave in their direction, before watching the doors close on him and he was gone. Tess turned Zoe round and began to usher her to the staffroom when Noel approached.

"Dr Hanna, Dixie er, his jacket." Noel said as he held out Nick's blazer to Zoe before adding, "He's a tough one is Mr J. He'll make it."

"Thank you Noel" She said as she took the jacket.

"Listen Zoe, why dont you go home and get some rest, Ill call you if anything happens." Tess said with concern.

"I need to be here." Zoe replied as she stepped away from Tess and began to walk in the opposite direction.

"Ok well we can go and sit in the staffroom and Ill bring you a cup of tea" Tess offered.

"Thanks, but i want to be on my own." and with that Zoe moved off towards Nick's office.

Inside she closed the blinds and put the lock on the door. She tossed off her shoes and flopped down onto the leather sofa. That sofa was the beginning of her journey with Nick Jordan and housed the first experience of sex with him. It was amazing, full of passion, want and need. There wasn't love at this point, just pure lust and the smell of the leather evoked every detail of the memory back to her. But what about now? Was that sofa going to be the beginning of the end of their beautiful journey together? She lay back on the sofa and covered herself over with his jacket. She breathed in his scent. It was a mixture of his aftershave, his shower gel and well, just him. It smelt like Nick, her Nick and she wasn't ready to let go of this scent from her life, not now and not ever. She began to cry silently into his jacket as she closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep...

_**Thankyou for reading. Its not going to be an easy journey to make with our favourite couple, but im trying my best to do them justice. Please review as it makes me update quicker. I need encouragement :)**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**As always thanks for the reviews and for sticking with this. Its not easy to write but I wanted to address this part of the storyline. Its pretty heavy going but Ill try my best to do them justice. Enjoy. Oh and nick and zoe are not mine but any mistakes are.**_

Adam slowly clicked open Nick's office door. He looked around to see if he could see Zoe, before finally catching site of her broken form sleeping on the sofa. He clicked the door closed and crept towards the edge of the desk where he lent with his thoughts. He watched the rise and fall of Zoe's chest beneath Nick's blazer. He glanced at her face as a strip of light shone through the blinds and glistened against the tear that was slowly trickling down her cheek. He knew how devastated she must be feeling, he had been through the same pain, anguish and uncontrollable ache when Jess was ill. He had to be the one to get his friend through this, he was going to be there for her. He moved away from the desk and bent down beside her. He wiped the tear from her cheek with his thumb and placed his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Zo" He said softly, she twitched but didn't wake. "Zo" He tried again a little louder.

"HUH NICK!" She said startled as she shot up from her horizontal position.

"Shhhh its ok, its me" Adam replied as he stood to meet Zoe's new upright position.

"Whats happening Adam? Where is he" Adam walked slowly towards Zoe and tried to reach out to hold her arm tenderly. She shot him an evil stare and backed away.

"I think you better sit down Zoe, thats all I want you to do right now" he replied.

"Just tell me" Her voice cracked as she felt a pain in her stomach once more.

"Ok we've run a head CT which has confirmed that the tumour is the cause of the bleed. We then did an MRI to visualize the blood vessels and there is a significant dark swelling in his brain around the tumour. We believe he may have suffered a hemorrhagic stroke, as we are getting no reactions from his right side, but hes heavily sedated so we need to try and bring him round to confirm this."

Zoe stood back and soaked up all the information she was given. This wasn't happening yet, this couldn't be happening, she had only just got him back and she was losing him again.

"So treatment?" She uttered staring angrily at adam. Adam remained silent. "Come on call his neurology consultant, his physician there must be something we can do"

"Zo, the only remaining thing we could do is operate. Again. His brain has suffered a huge trauma from the first operation, performing a second one would be far too risky. He would be brain damaged at the very least."

"So you're saying that's it are you? That I should just give up? Well Im not about to do that Adam" She yelled and marched out of the office. She had intended to head straight for resus to call Nick's physician herself but she had suddenly felt sick and made a mad dash to the toilet.

She came out of the toilet cubicle and splashed her face with water. She wished she could get the taste of vomit out from her mouth. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked at herself in the mirror. She had been here before, they had been here before. She had watched him suffer countless times, for what? So she could have an extra year with him before breaking his heart and lying to him again? Was it all worth it? Well for her any extra minute with him was worth it, but she couldn't put him through that. A man of such pride and stature to be reduced to nothing, have no dignity. Everybody deserves to die with dignity. She had heard that saying a thousand times over, even used it herself. He deserved more than that, this time it was about him and she wanted to do what he wanted. A few tears spilled silently from her eyes as she gained her composure, sniffed them back and headed out of the toilet. She walked past reception and Noel began to walk towards her.

"Have you seen Dr Trueman?" She asked with no emotion.

"He's in resus, are you ok?" He asked.

"Splendid Noel, what do you think." She snapped at him. She marched off towards resus and Noel hit himself on the fore head with the palm of his hand, outwardly cursing himself for the stupid comment he had just made.

Zoe burst through the resus doors which caused Adam, carlie and Lenny to look around. Adam walked over to her.

"Right I want him taken off the sedation" She barked, reminisent of how Nick would be in resus.

"Zoe I..." Zoe interrupted.

"Keep him as comfortable as possible, whatever painkillers you need morphine, codeine, tramadol, fentanyl I need him off the sedation." Adam gave Zoe a questioning look.

"I need to talk to him Adam, I need to try" Her voice cracked as she put her hand to her face. Adam tenderly put his hand on her shoulder and looked at her in the eyes. She nodded back at him.

"Right guys lets do this put him on..." Adam's voice slowly drifted away as Zoe once again went into her own little world. She watched her friends fussing around her boyfrend. 'Boyfriend' she had never used that term for him before. He was more than that to her now. He was her soulmate, her life, her best friend. Even when he hated her, he was there for her.

When all the fussing had stopped Tess had brought over a comfy chair and a coffee for Zoe. She had given her a hug and left her by herself. Zoe sat by Nick's left side and held his hand as she watched for any sign of life. He was still intubated, but he was just sleeping now. It was just a matter of time before they would know the extent to the damage. Zoe rested her head on the edge of the bed and sighed just as Adam entered resus.

"Hey." he whispered. She gave him a half grin. "Anything?" he asked hopeful. She shook her head.

"I brought you this" He pointed towards the blazer he had in his hand.

"Thanks" She said as he walked over to her and wrapped the jacket around her shoulders.

"You yell if you need me ok. Im right outside." Again she nodded as he turned and left the room. Zoe pulled the jacket further aroiund her face so she could inhale the scent once more. She locked her fingers inside his tightly and waited...

_**Right Im going to leave it there guys only a couple more chapters to come after this one. Please review and I will continue. Not a great place to leave it but its 1 am and thats my excuse lol. **_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Deep Breaths guys here goes. Please Enjoy!**_

Zoe lay with her eyes closed, and her head resting on his bed. They had moved Nick to paeds resus to give them some privacy. When any of the ED staff became ill, they always treated their own, never sent them away. Zoe wasn't really sleeping just thinking back on moments that shaped her life with Nick. He was never a great romantic but he was just him and the small things he did meant much more to her than grand gestures. Little anecdotal things he had said to her, "You are beautiful" With the sincerest of looks in his eyes. "That I told you so look is so good on you Mrs Jordan" where a smile lit up his face with pride. He could even be cute when he hummed the tune of his favourite classical piece whilst doing the housework. She smiled to herself inwardly, she couldn't smile on the outside not anymore.

Just as she did so she was sure she felt some movement. She opened her eyes and lifted her head up. His head wasn't moving, his eyes weren't open, there was no sign of life in his handsome face. She sighed with disapointment realising her imagination must be running away with her, when she felt it again. She looked at her hand and she could see his fingers were moving softly over the surface of her hand. She stood up by his head and began to stroke his hair softly.

"Nick, its me, can you hear me." He moved his hand in response and squeezed hers.

"Oh thank god Ive been so worried about you. Don't try to talk or move ok. The tumour bled and we are trying our best to fix it for you." His hand moved again before his face crinkled in distress. He began to move his head from side to side, trying to show his dicomfort at the tube in his throat. He was coming round.

"KIRSTY!" Yelled Zoe "Can we get this tube out of him please and an oxygen mask STAT!" Kirsty had been clearing up paeds resus from a previous patient, and Zoe didnt want to call the others from outside, she didnt want any fuss. Kirsty and Zoe busied around making Nick comfortable, before Kirsty left the two of them alone once more. Zoe sat back down beside Nick, his eyes stil closed. She held his hand and brought it up to her face to touch her cheek. That ever so familiar touch he would place on her so tenderly everyday. His eyes flickered open at the touch of her soft skin.

"Nick." She said softly. He groaned and slirred something to her, but his speech was not coherent. "Babe relax its ok take your time." He pulled at his mask with his left hand and tried to move his right arm to help, but couldn't. It was heartbreaking to watch him struggle. Zoe stood and removed the mask from his face. He turned to look at her. He lifted his hand up to the side of his head and mumbled to her.

"oouuccchh" he said and grimaced at her.

"I know it hurts, I know." She said as she gently stroked his arm.

"Whhhaat Happen" He mumbled to her.

"Its the tumour Nick, its bleeding. You need an operation." She continued. He groaned at her once more and tried to shake his head.

"Noooo, Noooo" He muttered.

"I know but it might save your life." She said softly as tears rolled down her cheeks and landed on her.

"Sseee" He winced as he lifted his arm and caught a tear from the edge of her chin, "noo morreeee Zo" She knew what he was saying, she knew exactly what he wanted but she just couldn't bring herself to admit it.

"No, Nick Jordan Im not going to let you do this to me again." Her voice broke as she began to cry properly. "besides you've got dinner to cook for me yet. You owe me one." She stood up and tried to pull the oxygen mask down over his face, mainly to shut him up. He grabbed her hand and stopped her.

"Sssshhhhh" he mumbled. "Tired now." he paused as he held her hand and brought her arm down. He could feel her heart breaking as he she tried to breathe back her tears. "Looove you. jjuuusstt mmeee and yooouuu. Oookkk." He struggled so hard to utter the words to her as he slirred over every letter. "aalwayyss Innn theereee" He lifted his arm again and rested the palm of his hand on the left hand side of her chest before he fell into a fit of coughs and Zoe grabbed a pan for him to be sick into. He rested his head back and closed his eyes. It had taken all his strength to say those things to her. She knew it was time, she couldn't put him through this any longer. She wiped the remaining saliva from his chin and stroked his head. "Ok Jordan, now is not the time to get all romantic on me." She whispered in his ear and kissed his cheek.

She stood back from him and saw her man infront of her. For the first time she had realised what she needed to do and she could now see her arrogant, self important man before her, not the broken shell. The man she loved with all her heart, the man who always got what he wanted. Now she was ready to give him what he wanted, to release him from the evil that had inhabited his beautiful mind. She went around to the other side of the bed and muted the rhythmic beeping from the heart and breathing monitors. She didnt want everyone to be alerted when it happened. She wanted it to be like he said "You and me". She wandered back around to the otherside of the bed and slipped off her shoes. She climbed on the bed beside him and put her head on his chest, carefully laying on her side draping her leg and arm over him. She looked up at his face, his eyes were closed, his forehead was wrinkled where he was wincing with discomfort.

"Its ok Nick, Im here. Ill always be here. Lets do it your way this time." She reached up and kissed him softly on the lips. she felt his last bit of energy being used to return her kiss. She didn't want to break the kiss. Ever. A single, solitary tear rolled from her eye and landed on his cheek. She broke the kiss and said "Besides, Nick Jordan never, ever gets it wrong remember." She smiled as she saw the wrinkles disappear from his face and a look of peace and contentment replaced it. She had brought the ending right back to the start of their relationship by uttering that single line at him. Back to the happy times, before she knew of his tumour, when everything was new and fresh. She lay her head down on his chest and felt it moving softly up and down to the pace of his breathing. She listened to the rhythmic sound of his heart beating as she wrapped his arm around her waist and wrested his hand gently on her stomach. "I love you" she whispered and she felt his fingers move softly on her stomach before she drifted off to sleep...

She felt several pairs of eyes looking at her, even though she was asleep. She felt like someone was standing over her, which brought her from her sleep, yet didn't force her to open her eyes. It took her a moment to register where she was and what was happening. Then she remembered. Then she realised. Her head was no longer moving softly up and down rocking her like a baby. There was no rhythmic thudding that had help send her to sleep. The hand that lay on her stomach was cold and lifeless. "NO" she whispered still not opening her eyes. "No" She repeated.

"Zoe, its Tess" She heard Tess sniff back the tears. "Come on now sweetheart" She said as she tried to take Zoe's arm and pull her up off the bed. Zoe locked her arm tightly around Nick and opened her eyes for the first time.

"NO!" She yelled as she saw Tess, Kirsty and Charlie standing around the bed, their eyes red with tears. Adam stepped forward and took over.

"Come on Zoe, he's gone." Adam sat on the opposite edge of the bed and looked at her. He held her hand tightly.

"No he's not, he's just asleep I can hear him breathing." She replied sobbing loudly. Adam stood and came around to her side of the bed. "No Adam, no" She added as Adam began pulling her away from him. She clenched her fists and grabbed hold of Nick's gown. Adam looked at Zoe with such sadness and repeated his earlier words. "He's gone Zo. Come on let go." She began to respond to him as he lifted her away from Nick. She looked down at Nick as Adam lifted her to her feet. She brokedown "NO! NO! NO!" She screamed in anger before turning and collapsing into Adam. He held her in an embrace and his tears matched hers as they both sobbed together. Eventually she got a grip of herself and turned back towards Nick. She walked towards him and pulled the oxygen mask off his face before tenderly stroking his cheek with her thumb. He looked so happy. She kissed his cold, blue lips once more and said "Goodbye my man." She then stroked his hair and added "I love you nick Jordan" Before she was led away...

_**:'( is all I can say. Sorry it was a bit like a sunset syndrome repeat, please review.**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Heres the last chapter guys short and sweet...**_

"I love you Nick Jordan" She found herself saying it out loud as the last memory disolved from her vision and she was back outside in the wind, by that stone. Tears were streaming down her face and stung her cheeks as the cool autumn air blew against her. Every memory from that day was inprinted on her brain forever, the smells, the feel of his soft skin against her even the taste in her mouth. It had been nearly 7 years since he had been taken away from her, and not a day passed without her thinking of him, taking to him and remembering him. Of course, nothing would ever go back to how it was before, but she learnt to adapt to life without him. The ache for him never left her as she outwardly sobbed at the pain his absense left behind. Every memory of that day felt like someone was taking a mallet to her heart and smashing it to pieces, before she would bend down and slowly begin to superglue the pieces back together, leaving small cracks between every part.

Just then, a small, cold hand grabbed hold of hers and brought her out of her trance. The hand pulled at her arm until she bent down to look into his eyes.

"Don't cry mummy." His little brown eyes reflecting her sadness. "Daddy is with the angels up there" He pointed to the sky as Zoe looked up and another tear fell from her eyes. The little boy let go of his mothers hand and wiped the tears away with his tiny thumbs. "Hes happy up there, he's making all the sick angels better so they can look after people like granny and grandpa"

Zoe smiled, let out a small laugh and grabbed hold of the little boy and pulled him into a huge hug. "What would i do without you Joshua Jordan!" She held him tight and he held her right back. They broke the embrace, but Zoe kept hold of his arms. "You are just like him you know" She said with a warm smile as the last of her tears dried up. The little boy replied "I know" Before attempting to wink at her, a new thing he had just learnt at school.

So, it appeared that on that horrific date, the ache and pain of losing Nick that she had felt in her stomach, was actually the miracle of a new part of Nick growing inside her. The sickness and diziness she had experienced, was that little part of him beginning in a new life. She was 10 weeks at that point, and she had had no idea. Whilst she was losing the love of her life, the new love of her life was growing inside her and this was the greatest gift Nick could have ever given to her. Although she wished that he had known about his son, she knew that somewhere up there he was watching down on them, protecting them from whatever the rest of their lives would throw at them. She looked down at her son and into his beautiful brown eyes. He grinned at her, his face glowing with pride as he placed his doctor teddy against the headstone. "Look after them daddy, Ive got mummy now." He said before taking Zoe's hand and leading her away from the gravestone, leaving the cold black marble to read out his simple message to all.

NICK JORDAN

TREASURED PARTNER, FRIEND AND FATHER TO JOSHUA. A GREAT MAN WHO HELPED SAVE THE LIVES OF MANY.

HE WILL BE FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS

_Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft starlight at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die._

_**oh my god that was hard! Wont be doing that again. I know its a bit Hollywood, but thats it folks. I hope you liked it and thankyou for taking the time out to read and comment on it, I really appreciate it. We need Nick and Zoe back together! Lets get bombarding the net with Nick and Zoe love **_

_**The poem is by Mary Frye circa 1932 its beautiful**_


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